O you rude chewers of discarded grub

Your confidence unfounded and made of luck

If this heap of trash were removed today

What would come of your preening clicks?

Fat furballs soaring through wintry air

You know all the dogs are on leashes

No acorns stashed in secluded holes

You alone make America great

A kingdom of pizza crusts, tacos, and scones

Quick defend the pile’s unassailed splendor

Leap fierce to the faces of passersbys

And discover their cheeks to be tender