“I was riding a vintage 3-speed before anybody else thought it was cool,” declared Karl, from atop his brown and white pinto pony who was lifting his tail and getting ready to drop something on Bedford Avenue.
“It’s over,” said Karl, “the 3-speed thing is over. It went mainstream a long time ago. Now it makes me sick. Bikes used to be cool. Now they’re like Top 40 radio. Let it be known that I’m the first guy in town to be riding a pinto pony,” said Karl, who was on his way to his favorite coffeeshop where he was working on a screenplay about a colony of gnomes.
“Not so fast,” said a voice behind Karl, and Karl whipped around and there, sitting behind him, was a Native American on a palomino horse, with the full outfit on and everything, right here in the middle of Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
“Whoa man. Where did you come from?”
“I’ve been here the whole time,” said the Native American. “I was here before any of you guys were here. I was here before America was cool, and while it was cool, and I’m still here now that it’s awful. Everything’s so ‘Top 40’. It makes me sick. I want to go to Canada.”
“Man, I feel so uncool right now,” said Karl.
“You should,” said the Native American. “Because you are. So why don’t you give me that pony and good luck with your screenplay about gnomes.”
Karl got off his pony, Roger, who appeared visibly relieved. Karl gave the reins to the Native American.
“How did you know I was–”
“I know everything,” said the Native American. Karl knew the game was up. He turned over Roger to the Native American, and Roger perked right up and the Native American gave him a carrot. They turned around and headed north, towards Canada, leaving Karl there to contemplate his suddenly reduced coolness factor.
He slouch-walked over to a very cool (read: dirty) kiosk and he bought a newspaper. On the front page of the arts section was a big movie story: Tamara Knutson’s hit movie “Road Trip Gnomes!” hits theaters this weekend.