Some people are wondering, rightly, if a snowstorm at the end of March is a sign
of God’s displeasure, and of course the answer is ‘yes’.

But what he is angry about is another puzzle, perhaps one that is not meant to be solved in this lifetime.  At least that’s what disciples of intelligent meteorology used to think before the invention of the Prophet Doppler, a new atmospheric scanning device that picks up subtle messages from god that are out there floating in the airwaves, much like the jet stream, which of course is there but you never see it, and yet you still believe in it, don’t you?


Let’s take a look at this map.  (pulls down map) Oh, boy.  As you can see, there is a massive system stalled across the upper Midwest with two words clearly visible in the doppler formation:  “collective bargaining”.  Aha.  So god HAS been following events in Madison, it seems.  Although in typical god fashion, he hasn’t really given us much of an indication of how he feels about this.  But we can at least get a pretty clear idea that this is what he (or she?) is stewing about.

In the south, you can see a pretty persistent pattern of dry and airid weather accompanied by the doppler message “strip malls”.    Okay.   In the Northeast, over here by Boston and New York, and particularly strong in certain Brooklyn neighborhoods are rather persistent messages:  “hipsters” and “pretentious irony”.  A smaller system is moving in right behind that, however–a system that says “roommates.” A rather faint system behind that seems to have left a wispy trail that reads “drawings of animals by Dave Eggers.”


And here we thought god was unknowable.  It turns out that we just didn’t have the right tools.

Up next:  Intelligent Cooking.