Winter is a time for spiders because they don’t want to be outside any more than you do, so chances are they’re hiding out in your house where they sleep during the day and wait for you to fall asleep at night so they can do stuff to you.

It is imperative that you get to know the symptoms of various spider attack, lest you become a victim and lose a lot of self esteem.

Blonde Carrot Spider. This spider does not bite, but rather crouches by your bed at night staring at your face trying to figure out what you’re thinking.  In many ways this can be more invasive than an actual venom injection; particularly if you wake up before it goes away.  Best protection:  wear sunglasses to sleep so it can’t see your eyes.  It will get discouraged and go away.

Leg Spider. Ever get a Charlie Horse in the middle of the night?  Okay, that’s not a random muscle spasm.  It’s a spider.  Now don’t freak out, but in order for your leg to cramp up like that the spider has to bite you pretty high up on the inner thigh.  So when your calf starts to cramp up you should not immediately grab the calf and start massaging it.   Instead you should brush off your inner thigh with a quick, panicked motion.  The Leg Spider does not have dangerous venom, just annoying venom.  It bites for recreational purposes, and if you wear long underwear to bed you should be able to easily ward off its bite.

Brown Spotted Shame Spider. This spider is particularly crafty in its approach.  Generally it comes in from an outside source, like a friend’s bag or a sealed envelope.  But once inside your home, it tends to stay there until purged by either burning sage or holy water sprinkled in all corners of your house or both.  The brown spotted shame spider does not wait until you go to sleep, but rather jumps on you out of nowhere no matter what you’re doing and its bite will blind you for approximately five minutes, but nothing else will happen other than you will feel tired and want to lie down afterwards.  The BSSS become particularly active when you are writing a novel, so be on alert.

Scrambled Egg Spider This spider is harmless but will stick to your neck and you won’t be able to get it off.  This is particularly true in the winter months when peoples’ skin tends to be dry.  The scrambled egg spider is a common spider and no one knows where it comes from but you probably have about three or four of them in your house right now that have been there for a while and nobody knows how old they are.   The best way to avoid the attack of the scrambled egg spider is to moisturize every day.  That way the spider will slide right off when you decide you’ve had enough.

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