Believe it or not, there are some people in the world who don’t know that a blizzard is anything other than a very thick shake with big chunks of stuff in it (Oreos, Butterfinger pieces)–chunks and shake that don’t come out of the cup when you turn it upside down.  At least if it’s a good one, it shouldn’t.  Some of them do, though.  There are certain hastily made Blizzards that, lacking the proper integrity, will pursue the path of least resistance when turned upside down–a short journey that leads directly to the floor.  That’s one certain kind of blizzard.

But there is such a thing as a natural kind of blizzard, and it involves a lot of snow coming out of the sky at a dizzying rate, making it hard to see and hard to move the car and therefore greatly increasing your chances of getting towed and having to go downtown to the impound lot and give a guy some money for a “service” that he probably would have preferred not to perform in the first place. Impound lots, like the Park Slope Food Co-Op, are built on a foundation of hate, and you can feel that as soon as you walk in.  Nobody is at an impound lot because they want to be–even the people who work there.  Everybody feels trapped.  But what makes us trapped?  It is our own minds.  Our own minds and also the long line of angry people ahead of us who keep sighing and checking their watches but pretending that they’re doing okay because people who drive Toyota Priuses have evolved beyond anger–didn’t you know that–Oh look someone just punched a hole in the wall.  That’s where the wreath is going to go.

If you are outside in a blizzard and you do not wish to be seen, try wearing white.  This is what white rabbits, snow owls, and winter lizards do, and you can’t see them unless they move.  Humping around in a black parka and wind pants, however, WILL get you seen.  If that’s what you want.  Is that what you want?  To be clearly visible to a snow lizard? Consider this carefully.

A blizzard is dramatic and challenging but rarely lasts longer than a day or two.  Therefore, if you start a game of Monopoly NOW, you will probably be finishing up and also ending a couple of friendships right about the time that the plows have cleared the path to where your car is supposed to be, but is not, because you moved it for the snow day–but on Day 2, not on Day 3, in which case you are probably in for another trip to the impound lot.

This time, consider bringing a book.