Blue Sword Red Dagger Health Systems understands that health is more than just visiting your doctor and filling a prescription. We understand that Your Health is a whole system of things (including but not limited to Wellness, Aliveness, Integrityness, Self-Determinationness, and Generalized Okayness), including your relationships with certain other people. At Blue Sword Red Dagger we are mostly committed to doing some (but not all) things to help you alert the persons in your life to your sad, compromised state of health without making you seem completely listless and pathetic.
Therefore, we have enlisted a panel of creative professionals to craft this delicate letter that you can send to your friends and family (and co-workers if you have no boundaries), thus freeing you from the embarrassment and shame of having to bring up stuff about your body and what is wrong with it and then awkwardly changing the subject. Let the US Postal Service do it for you! Good luck and hey, do you owe us a co-payment? Call us at 1-800-RED-DAGGR. Here is the letter:
As you know this year I was diagnosed with [YOUR DISEASE]. I know a lot of you are worried about me, wondering how it must be to live with a horrifying issue that will cause some to pity me and others to feel superior.
But let me assure you that being diagnosed with [YOUR DISEASE] was the best thing that ever happened to me.* Before I was diagnosed with [YOUR DISEASE] I was living a life of total mindlessness. It was a neverending hell of tiny disappointments and complete self-absorbtion, sort of like your lives right now, all you who have not been diagnosed with [YOUR DISEASE] or [ANY OTHER DISEASE] and I am 100% sure that had I never been diagnosed with [YOUR DISEASE] I never would have reached the heights of spiritual bliss that I now enjoy ever single day as soon as I open my eyes and start noticing the thousands of blessings surrounding me in my bedroom alone, even though the closet door is off the hinges and I have no hangers and I’m sleeping on a mattress on the floor because I had to give up my real bed in the fire that triggered my stress-related illness that I am now more grateful for than anything else in this life.
So for those of you who are not yet lucky enough to have been diagnosed with [YOUR DISEASE], only to have your life turned upside down and have all the bad stuff shaken out and SO MUCH good stuff jammed back in that I can’t even breathe–well. I simply feel sorry for you. But I know, given enough time and patience, that each and every one of you will also someday be diagnosed with [SOME DISEASE], even if it is not [YOUR DISEASE], and so it is just a matter of time before you are enjoying the total life joy that I experience with every semi-painful inhale and exhale.
I hope I didn’t interrupt your dinner.