Look, don’t tell me I’m a workaholic.  I’m an ant.  This is what we do.  What? An intervention?  Bite me.  Look at yourselves, why doncha?  All your legs waving aimlessly in the air like that.  Do something!  Go move some leaves or something.  Dig a burrow.

Get off my back.  Better yet, get on it.  All seven of you.  Every one of you get on my back, and I’ll carry you to Oconomowac.  I can do it, you know.  I may look lean but I’m freakishly strong.  I’ll heft all seven of you PLUS that garden hose over there.  I dare you to dare me.

Hazelden?  Please.  Eat my thorax, I’m not going to Hazelden.  I don’t care if they DO have an insect wing, and I didn’t even want to say that because it’s such a bad pun.  If you’re going to be in rehab, I think people should at least have the respect not to give their units a silly punnish name.  And I’m not going anyway so it doesn’t matter.

Look, I’ve got this under control.   I can go on vacation at any time.  Really.  I may LOOK like I’m lifting a ceramic mug on my back while we’re speaking, but in fact if you were to enter my mind right now, you would find it to be very calm and still.  And that’s what power is all about.  Stilling your mind and equanimity and acceptance and I can do that while lifting this mug, damn it!  Uuuunnnnngggghgh!  By the way I read that in the Power of Now.  Have you guys read that?  Well maybe you should before you come in here and judge me for being the way I am.

Stop crying you idiots.  Help me build this anthill.  I want to make it 15 stories and there’s going to be a weight room and a pool and a scotch bar and then outside here, a little miniature golf course and up on top, a cigar room, and then over here will be a 15-car garage.

Put yourselves to use for once.  If we all work together on this, we can have it done in 9 days flat.  I know this because I’ve done it before.  By myself.

This is who I am.  Now are you going to join me or am I going to have to mangle your antennae with my gnashing mandibles?  I thought so.

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