Part 1: What the Shit.

I’m having second thoughts about this.  I mean, a mile from my nearest neighbors was great for a while, but now the sun goes down at like, 7 o’clock, and what am I supposed to do?  Play poker with a squirrel?  Jesus, I’m bored. Hello?  Hello?  Is anybody out there????  No there is not.  Because I’m in the woods.  Didledee dee, fidlety fee.

I may not publish this chapter.  I understand I do not sound like myself of late.  Yesterday I ate a questionable mushroom and I am not myself.  Well.  I am merely being honest but sometimes with too much time to oneself, one’s thoughts run amok and I don’t  yet have an editor to read these pages.  Perhaps I shall get a raccoon?!  A raccoon whose eyes are already circled with dark, what is another couple of sleepless nights poring over these pages?  Nothing to him, I imagine.  Time is nothing to a raccoon.  Or is it?

Oh blank page.  I fear what I am about to write and yet I must say it.  I dream of a certain structure.  A marketplace that is all indoors.  A marketplace where a person may do all his or her shopping, just as everything I need I have right here on my plot of land.  Convenience.  Low prices (cheap for me, but we can’t all be me, can we, no no no no! I am laughing, I AM LAUGHING!).  It would be so convenient, it would be like a large box.  A big box of a store.  What is more pragmatic, more obvious than that? What fools we have been, going scampering around from store to store when we could be getting everything we need under one roof!!!

But back to my vision. In this special marketplace, persons of quality intent may arrive by a single door, behind which a friendly man wearing a bright, jaunty vest will greet the visitor.  “Hello, we are happy to see you!  How is your day?” Upon much rumination I have come to the conclusion that this is why I am out in the woods:  the general unfriendliness of service employees, particularly those in food service.  I remember with much consternation the day that I visited an ice cream shoppe and read the flavors, in order to make my best decision.  One of the flavors was chocolate-almond-garlic.  I am not kidding.  And so I asked, as a person would…”what is this chocolate-almond-garlic flavor?”  And the surly youth behind the counter rolled her eyes and said, “it’s chocolate-almond-garlic.”  I ordered pineapple and went on my way. But not without a residue of anger that lingered for hours.  It was then I first came up with the idea for this cabin.

Anyway I need to get out of here.  The black flies are driving me nuts.  And I’m sick of cooking for myself.  Yes this garden is wonderful.  And I have everything I need.  And yet I find I am not motivated to cook full meals the way I would if there was someone else around–even a dog.  Actually, preferably a dog!  Are dogs vegetarians?  Are they?  And if they are not, COULD they be?  I see no reason why not.

Damn, the sun has gone down.  I can no longer read my own writing.  But I am alone.  And this is when it becomes okay for me to talk to my chair as though it were a real person.  I call the chair Maryanne.

Hello Maryanne.  Did you have a nice day today?  Oh, you went to get your hair cut?  How wonderful!  I thought you looked different but I didn’t want to say anything.  Just in case it was the wind.  But you look wonderful.  When you get better we shall go for a walk. I promise you this.  Your illness is temporary, Maryanne.  You must not believe what the doctors tell you. You must have faith, Maryanne, Faith!  And one day we will go away together.  You and me.  You and me and your new haircut.  And we shall go to the promised land where we can do all our (only necessary) shopping under one roof, indeed, a magical prospect. And then we shall take our few quality possessions and we shall–

What the SHIT!  A fucking black fly.  Ow, damn it, ow.  How did THAT get in here?  Go outside, you stupid fly, fly towards the moon.  I know you’re attracted to light, get out of here.  See if you can make it all the way to the moon. I dare you.  Me to you here, fly.

Hey wait…do you know how to play poker?