Welcome to Buffalo Gulch! The theme park that simulates the kind of experience you would have had over 100 years ago on this prairie, when buffalo covered every square inch and Native American Peoples carefully picked a couple each day to knock off and then they respectfully ate the whole thing and used the rest for skins or necklaces.
Please fasten your seat belt and Kelly will be around to take any garbage such as candy wrappers or plastic ice coffee mugs that you do not want to take with you and/or have fall out of the ride.
PS Each buffalo car is equipped with front and side air bags should an accident occur which most certainly will not because this ride is entirely on level ground, but still, should an accident occur, please do not sue us, and to ensure that you do not, Kevin will be coming around after Kelly picks up your garbage to have you sign a release form that says that you bear total responsibility for our failure to keep you safe, if we do, which we won’t.
Also please be aware that the Buffalo Gulch amusement park ride will take place mostly through interactive flat-screen movie projections and a surround-sound Experience that will take your breath away. And for that reason it is especially imporant that you not leap out of your buffalo in your excitement because you could knock over the movie screens and you know how much these things cost? 2.5 million dollars, and any repairs that we make has to be paid for with popcorn and beef jerky sales, so now that I mention it, please buy some popcorn and/or beef jerky and when the ride is over you will have the option to buy a Frontier Frostee, 20 oz for 4.99 or 40 oz for 6.00, which is really the better deal and so you should think long and hard about getting the larger size. If you know what’s good for you, you will, and flavors come in cherry, grape, cherry-grape, and kiwi surprise.
Anyway. Enjoy your Experience at Buffalo Gulch. Are you ready to experience what life was like way before anybody even had the terrific idea of turning this land into the SuperZone of Fun that it is today? Well too bad because the ride is starting.
(CLICK, RECORDED STAMPEDE, SCREAMS)