Dear loyal customers and home forclosure participants:

We here at CromSpon Bank are terrifically sorry to hear that you are on the brink of losing your home.  As you know, we are completely dedicated to doing whatever we can to keep that from happening, within reason.  In that spirit, we are proud to announce our new Home Sponsorship program, available starting July 1.

From that date forward, our valued partners have expressed their generous willingness to provide medium-sized advertising billboards for your home.  In exchange for posting them in a prominant place likely to get the most eye views (that is, your front porch, your front door, your garage door, etc.), our thoughtful sponsors are willing to pay a negotiated fee that will help you pay your rent.

Not only will you be able to stay in your home, but just think about the street cred you will accumulate simply by your passive affiliation with established, successful businesses!  It’s no longer just The Mitchell Residence.  Now it’s the Verizon-Chipotle-Samsung-Mitchell residence.  Sounds fancy, doesn’t it?  The Nelson House now becomes the Macy’s-Nelson house.  Mr. Frigger’s house is now the Frigger-Comcast compound.  Everybody wins!

Plus you get to keep living in your house.  And also provide a nice guest room when sales reps come through town and need a place to stay.  And also some food.

We are dedicated to keeping you in your home!  Please call the number below at your earliest convenience, and a CromSpon bank representative will come right out and start drilling holes right away!

Sincerely,

The Good People at CromSpon Bank

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