Well, that’s not true. Whales care, but that’s only because whales eat them, and the plankton are incredulous. Everybody is incredulous, actually. Because whales are enormous, and you’d think that they’d want to be eating something at least the size of a walleye. But they don’t. They stick to plankton and maybe it’s because they have low self esteem. Why would a whale have low self esteem? Body issues, likely. They know that Judy Blume book was written after them. “Blubber.” They didn’t find it funny. After that book came out you can bet there were no whales out there who were going to switch to eating octopuses, even though whales and octopuses get in a lot of fights, and each has fantasized about eating the other many, many times. For the octopus this would be a lot more work, because they only have that single beak. But everybody has dreams, and I bet you do, too.
So plankton it is for the whales, even if it means they have to spend 99% of their lives moving around and smiling just to get enough plankton through their mouth-sieves to make it happen for them.
But this isn’t about whales. This is about plankton. And what is there to say? Nobody cares about plankton but without them the whole oceanic ecosystem would collapse, and then all the japanese people would die because there would be no fish, and then every american would die because there would be no TV or computers, and I couldn’t write in this blog.
So maybe we should think about plankton more than we do. Oh, here’s one, right here. It’s got a backpack on, I guess it’s taking one of those requisite after-college backpacking trips. Plankton: what do you have to say to the people?
Plankton: “is there a bathroom around here?”