What are bats?

Bats are small furry things with legs and wings that come out at night because that’s when you’re not around.

Bats can have a lot of different faces, and some of them can look like Dracula, but it’s not really your business to judge that, because what matters is what’s on the inside.  Bats can be kind, when they feel safe.  But mostly they just dart around a lot, because some of their experience has involved people swinging tennis rackets at them.

What all bats have in common is that they can see in the dark because of sound waves that come out of their chests and bounce off of things and for this reason they don’t really need their eyes, even though they still have them.  Sort of like when a woman has dangly earrings and she also wears a necklace.

Operating by these sonar waves, as they do, bats don’t know a whole lot about visual art, and you won’t find a lot of them subscribing to ArtNews, for example, or flying around the actually-kind-of-exhausting spiral thing at the Guggenheim.   What they do is they get out there in the air and they flap around and they eat smaller flying things and then they go to bed.  Sounds pretty simple, right?

Well you’re wrong.

Some bats have arthritis and others are uncertain about the future and still others spend most of their hunting time trying to figure out how they feel about things.

“Maybe I should go to Argentina,” says one bat, getting ready for the evening fly.  “I don’t know why. I just feel restless.”

“You would feel restless in Argentina, too,” said another, larger bat, standing nearby.  “Argentina is not the answer.”

“Shit,” said the first bat.  Then it flew off.

That bat ate 17,000 mosquitos that night and you may be surprised to find out that that is pretty average.

So as you can see, bats live a full rich life with lots of stuff going on, much like you and me, only they’re a lot smaller, furrier, and they can fly.

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