“We’d go and replace another w in different words, except that once those words have a w, they don’t tend to need another one,” said a w who wanted to remain anonymous. “It’s a grim scene.”
“It’s strange not having anything to do,” said one w who previous appeared with two close colleagues in a blog address. That blog was moved to WordPress, where the w’s were let go without warning. They simply showed up to the address one morning and found the space where they used to be closed up against the double backslash. “There was obviously no room for us anymore,” said the available w, “but apparently nobody was going to talk to us about that. It was just handled really, really poorly,” said the w. The other two w’s declined to comment.
A WordPress spokesperson said there was only room at the host for one W–a capital W–and that any other ws were simply for show, and served no purpose.
“The good thing about this is that I have a lot of free time,” said the recently laid off w, “although it doesn’t seem like free time because I spend all my time looking for a job.”
And apparently, jobs are scarce.
“Remember W?” asked one capital W, hearkening back to the days of George Bush II. “Those were our halcyon days, for sure. We didn’t know it then. We thought it would last forever. Boy do things change fast,” said the W, who has taken to eating chips and only watching shows that start with hard consonants.
“I’m sure I could get on my back and pretend I’m an m,” said one lower-case w who was terminated from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer web site in 2009, “but that’s just not going to happen. I’d rather be a seagull in some shitty kid’s drawing.” The w stared into space for a moment and resumed packing its bag.
There are, however, success stories.
“I’m not sure I’d call it a success,” said a capital W who recently got a job as the capital W in Wikipedia. “First of all, let’s talk about quality control. On second thought, no let’s not. Also, I just got lucky. The last guy died, and I just happened to be there. It’s not really what I want to be doing, but I’m happy for a job,” said the W, who hopes to someday work for the World Wildlife Fund. Or perhaps the World Wrestling Federation.
“It’s hope that keeps me alive” said the W, reaching for a shot of whiskey. “Cause it sure as hell ain’t reality.”