Hello, I’m a badger.  People think I’m usually in a pretty bad mood, and you know what I say to that?  Go fuck yourselves.  Because guess what, I’m here to collect money for charity.  I don’t know too many jerks who go around collecting money for charity, do you?

Didn’t think so.

Okay it’s not for charity, it’s for National Public Radio.  I know you listen, don’t pretend you don’t.  Everybody listens, and pretends they don’t.  It’s like masturbation.  Which I don’t do because I have claws, but I do listen to National Public Radio, and guess what, I PAY for it.   Yes I do.  I have a job.  Are you surprised?  Don’t be.  Someone’s gotta wash those used towels in the basement at the YMCA.  What, you thought a machine did that?  Think again. It’s a recession, people.  At least I HAVE a job.

So are you going to do the right thing, or am I going to have to turn over your garbage can and spread your feminine hygiene products all over the yard?  That’s right, go get your purse.

On that long walk to the bedroom, why not consider how much public radio is worth to you, and what you would pay for it it if wasn’t around anymore.  Or, another way to think of it is, how much would you pay for me to go away?  Because I won’t go away for 20 bucks or 40 bucks.  I might go away for 10 bucks a month but for 25 bucks a month you can be sure I won’t be back for a while.  Don’t give me that look.  You’re just mad because you got caught.

10 bucks a month.  Well that’s nice.  It’s a start.  Good for you.  Thank you for your contribution.  I’ll be back next year.  Oh yeah, and you get this tote bag.  Whoops, I chewed it a little. It’s still good though.